A Thousand Suns
by LauraahFTW
Summary: Multiple Charater Deaths - Dark - 'Her mistake held repercussions for the whole of LA. I guess you could no longer call it 'The city of angels' heck, you would be lucky to find an angel. Because nobody was safe here anymore.'


**A/N: So this Linkin Park ****album** **hit me – **_**I h**_**a**_**d to write this **_**– I have always loved this** **album****, but I never knew if it w****as put together it formed one 47 minute song.**

**So yeah, I really don't know how this one-shot will turn out, but I already know it's not going to be happy. Maybe character death. I don't know. You could say it's a songfic, but the writing will not be based directly on the lyrics, so I guess it's not. **

**This is 15 songs combined into one, it's called 'Linkin Park - A Thousand Suns: The Full Experience'**

**Warning: VERY dark fic. Character death.**

**-LJ x**

* * *

**A Thousand Suns**  
**Rating: M for violence but T to avoid filtration  
Words: 9,171**

* * *

_I come to this magnificent house of worship tonight because my conscience leaves me no other choice._

_A true revolution of values will lay hands on the world order and say of war.  
This way of settling differences is not just._

_This business of burning human beings with napalm.  
Of filling our nation's homes with orphans and widow._

_Of injecting poisonous drugs of hate into veins of people normally humane.  
Of sending men home from dark and bloody battlefields physically handicapped and psychologically  
__**deranged**_

_Cannot be reconciled with wisdom, justice and love_

-**Martin Luther King JR**

* * *

_You were standing in the wake of devastation__  
__And you were waiting on the edge of the unknown__  
__And with the cataclysm raining down__  
__Insides crying "Save me now"__  
__You were there, impossibly alone_

* * *

Rain pelted down the dimly lit street, its fog-like thinness making the night seem much darker than it actually was. The little amount of people that were on the streets hurried, only caring about keeping themselves dry, ignoring anybody they pushed or shoved to the side in race to get home. There were few out on this dangerous night, few which walked at their own steady pace, not caring for the fact they were drenched with the downfall, their whole bodies shaking with cold and flinching every time rain smacked onto them. The wind blew the rain left, pulling its fog-like manner into swirls of chocking oblivion. The setting was set, it was perfect for the type of murder or rape scenario you would hear about on TV or read about in one of the pointless mystery books. Cars screeched to halts and splashed the water onto unsuspected civilians walking in the night, their headlights blinding people who looked. Shouts of men and women looking for safety from the downfall echoed in the empty air.

Kensi Blye was one of the people out on this night, one of the ones walking at their own pace not looking for any type of safe home to settle in. Her hands were tucked into her dark brown jacket. She was wet to the bone, praying for the little protection her overcoat gave to warm her body.

She had been visibly crying, her eyes were red and slightly swollen, who knew, maybe she was still crying, but her tears were being masked by the rain on her face, dripping down her nose and off her chin; she was far from home. Did she even walk from home? How long had she been out in this pointless blunder of icy rain and angered humans.

A man walking fast up the sidewalk, phone in hand screaming down it for a file to be approved raced past the woman, clipping her side and sending her falling into the road. Maybe he had seen her maybe he hadn't, the night was so dark and her clothing provided to radiance to her being. And with her slightly tanned skin and dark hair she blended in with the streets darkness.

She broke her fall with hands and knees, landing in a puddle on the road, cutting her hand deeply from the litter and glass that had been pushed up from the drains as they overflowed. She sat in the dog-like position, trying to find the strength to push her body up; her wet hair glued itself to the side of her face and the back of her neck. She spat out rain and saliva that had gathered in her mouth and pushed herself up, willing her legs to follow her orders and stand – but they didn't, she fell back, this time landing on her back, the air pushing itself out of her body and winding her, sending a strangled cry out of her mouth.

But still nobody saw her, heard her. Or maybe they did, maybe they just assumed she was a junkie out on the street, suffering from a bad trip, maybe overdosing. Maybe she was a prostitute in their eyes, somebody they'd rather see die for her sins. But she wasn't, she was a federal agent, right? Somebody who looked after them day by day and helped them when they fell in the street, and tonight proved to her how cruel this world really was.

She lay there, half on the sidewalk with her legs poking out into the street, willing any car to come now and take over her legs, pulling her out and flatten her body. But once again, nothing decided to follow her instructions. She rolled over onto her stomach and pushed with all her might, pulling herself up, ignoring the excessive screams of pain that her ripped hand gave out. She ignored the blood gushing from the wound, and ignored the face it would most definitely get infected from the water it was ripped in.

She was officially alone in this world. Everybody she loved was gone or was at the door, one foot out. She had failed her team, and her family. One stupid mistake she made changed everything. One stupid mistake got a member of her team killed – Maybe killed – she wasn't there long enough to find out how badly they injured him, he was being beaten and cut, she got pulled out but somebody in the warehouse, she got pulled out before she saw what happened.

But all she knew was that somebody was dead, whether it was her teammate or the person inflicting the pain she was unsure of. But that shot rang out through the night, ripping the air into two, sending a scream of pain into the air.

So she ran, she ran as fast as she could, as far as she could. So now she was here, no idea where here was, or how to get home, whether she wanted to get home. Would they want to see her, or would they blame her for the death? She felt lost. She felt unwanted. She didn't want to be in this world anymore, but somebody had other plans for her.

Street thugs.

Maybe this was one of those murder books or TV shows, where everything was so transparent and what happened next even a baby could guess. Except if this was a TV show, she would get out of this scot-free, and would be welcomed back into warm and opened arms. There would be no deeper penalty for her stupid actions.

They were getting closer to her; maybe they hadn't seen her much like the man who knocked her, or the people that stepped so carelessly over her when she was down. Maybe having no purpose meant she had become invisible to the naked eye. Yeah right. They had seen her, and she was scared. Sure she had been in this situation before, but she was armed then, she was strong then. But now she's just a vulnerable mark.

Her mistake held repercussions for the whole of LA. I guess you could no longer call it 'The city of angels' heck, you would be lucky to find an angel. Because nobody was safe here anymore, not the celebrities in their fancy houses, the millionaires with their piles of money. Nobody was safe because she just ran. She didn't stop what has happened. This was all they needed to take down La, take down America, and she handed it over to them.

She shot her head, looking for means of escape. She was a coward now, she could run. But there was no way out, they boxed her in, she was just a female in their eyes, maybe she looks high class or maybe they just want her. Whatever she gets, she deserves it, for betraying her team, for betraying her country, the family, every family out there.

She squeezed her eyes shut, waiting to be grabbed, mugged. But nothing happened. She just stood there, shaking, small sobs racking her body. Were they still there behind her eyelids, did they take pity on the woman in the street; the woman they don't yet know has ruined their lives?

No. A sharp slap against the back of her head sent her hurtling forewords, blood filled her mouth and her face smashed against the sidewalk, breaking her nose and maybe her cheekbones.

She just laid there, her body to weak to even move as baseball bats smacked against every inch of her body, breaking bones and skin. Her body would soon be purple; her body would soon be dead.

Bang.

A gunshot rang through the air, her body stopped taking the impact of multiple blunt weapons and she heard some weapons dropped as the gang cried out _'Run!'_, a stampede of footsteps heading out in multiple directions as she felt somebody beside her, maybe in front of her. Cold fingers pressed against her neck as her saviour searched for sign of life.

Moments later she heard sirens approaching. No. She didn't deserve this; she didn't deserve to be saved. She didn't deserve it. She tried to find the will to tell them to let her die, but somehow her brain had told her body to follow the Darwinian notion of 'survival of the fittest', and her body decided it was the fittest. But she didn't want to live, she didn't want the looks the words. She wanted to go. She was a coward and she didn't want to face the consequences of her utterly idiotic actions.

Her body was flipped over onto some type of plastic sheeting and a brace was put around her neck, and oxygen mask strapped around her face, paramedics were shouting orders at each other. Someone had grabbed her hand, they were asking her something. She couldn't quite hear, she didn't want to hear. So she ignored it.

She felt her whole body been lifted, she was being cradled in the sheeting before she was dropped onto what she assumed was a gurney, her arms, torso and legs were strapped down for her safety, her body and gurney being hoisted into the dry ambulance, it felt nice with the warm blow of the heating, and her skin felt like it was going to crack now it was no longer being shed by the heavy burning rain.

* * *

_Do you feel cold and lost in desperation?__  
__You build up hope, but failure's all you've known__  
__Remember all the sadness and frustration__  
__And let it go. Let it go_

* * *

She wished she could scream in pain as her body was poked and prodded at, she wanted to tell them to just stop and let her die, to stop bandaging the wounds that decorated her body and let her bleed out, it would be the nicest thing anybody could do for her. But their job was much like hers, to help the people on streets, to help people who needed it, whether they were murderers or little children, you weren't judged for who you were or are. But if they knew that it was her fault one of La's biggest terrorist organisations had held of Navy intelligence that could destroy America, she's pretty sure they would let her die, that they would just stop and drop her back onto the streets.

But they didn't. She wished they knew who she was, that she was Kensi Blye, the girl who folded under pressure and gave up the Intel.

She gave it up to protect her team, though they wouldn't see it like that, she gave the leader that flash drive full of passwords to protect her teammate in the chair, the one that was beaten within an inch of his life.

Kensi felt a sharp prick to her hand and a tube or something round taped to it. An IV. No. Stop it.

She needed them to stop saving her life when she had ruined theirs. Everybody in America would and will be effected by her mess. Everybody on the planet, she was naive to think this would stay in the US, it's probably half way to Afghanistan right now, those weapons documents, US flight plans. Soldiers have probably already died because of her mistake.

It wasn't a mistake. She had to stop calling it a mistake. It was a choice, give them the flash drive or watch him die. But he still died. And she couldn't even bare to cal him by his name, even in her own thoughts.

_Coward._

She cursed herself multiple times. He was dead, they were probably dead too, the location of the OSP was compromised and so was the identity of everybody there. They were all first on the kill list.

She had murdered her entire family. Everything she wanted to be, she became, to make her father proud of her. But would he be proud now? No. He would not be proud, no matter the circumstance; she should and could have found an alternative to giving them that information and effectively destroying the world. Why were they saving her? Wasting their time trying to find out if she was going to live? She didn't deserve to live.

Why couldn't she let go? Surely giving up was easier than this? Couldn't she just tell her heart to stop beating? Her brain to stop thinking?

If only it were that easy instead she had to suffer in this dreadful paralysed state as people tried to save her life. Maybe this was her punishment; maybe this paraplegic state wasn't temporary. She would be made to live in an idle state, watching the world die.

Maybe it wasn't going to die, maybe somehow the compromised team caught up with the terrorists and stopped the information going from point a to point b. Maybe they searched for her, although she is sure they didn't. She's sure they're probably dead, like she should be.

Why did somebody have different plans for her? It's like somebody wants her to stay alive to watch what she's done, preventing her to take the cowards' way out. Death. She wanted death – Not surprise that death didn't want her. Nothing wanted her. Except maybe the paramedics that get paid to keep her alive.

The ambulance came to a halt and the paramedics pulled out the gurney she was on, moving fast to get her through the doors of the ER. Shouting things at each other. The gurney was pushed feet first through door and down deep corridors, finally it stopped in a white room, maybe the room was white. Kensi didn't even know if her eyes were open. She felt being unstrapped and moved onto a cold metal table, Surgery. Kensi tried to tune back into reality as her jacket was cut off of her.

Finally - she could hear talking.

"Hey, she has identification in here" One of the paramedics said.

"Go run her through the database." A second retorted, continuing to cut off all her clothing until she was just in her underwear.

The first paramedic rummaged through her belongings. Folding them neatly and putting them in a clear plastic bag for evidence, hearing a clatter as something fell from her cut jeans. The paramedic picked up the fallen item and gasped. "She's NCIS"

"NCIS? We have a federal agent here guys" the second paramedic beckoned more people over for assistance.

"Another one?" a nurse asked.

"What do you mean another one?"

"In OP3, a male from NCIS was brought in, as far as I know the superior officer is out there." She told them.

"Oh god, where is the surgeon she's bleeding internally?"

"I'm here, I'm here" another man entered the room, slapping some gloves on and approaching the girl on the table. "Who is she then?" He asked, attaching an aesthetic tube to the oxygen mask.

"Federal agent, Kensi Blye"

"Okay, we're going to need more hands" The surgeon said. "How was she found?"

"A man on the street saw her getting attacked, and he happened to have a gun on him, he sent a shot into the air, clearing the thugs off of her, and then he called it in."

The surgeon worked around the growing number of people in the room, Kensi felt light headed, and eventually, everything was black.

"Go take this to the agents outside" The paramedic handed Kensi's badge to the nurse who mentioned the fact there was another agent in the building – another few agents.

The nurse nodded and took Kensi's badge, exiting the room.

Henrietta Lange sat beside Nell Jones in the waiting area of Palm beach medical as a young nurse approached her, carrying a black wallet-like item.

"Excuse me?" the nurse said nervously.

"Yes?" Hetty stood up. "Have you got information on my agent?" Hetty stood still in front of the young woman, hoping that this was good news about the man in the operating room.

"Not exactly" The nurse handed over the black wallet. Hetty looked curiously at it before realizing it was a badge. She exhaled deeply before opening it. 'KENSI BLYE' it read in block capitols next to a picture of the female agent.

"Ms Blye is here?" Hetty gasped. Nell beside her stood up immediately.

"Kensi's alive?"

"Excuse me?" The nurse said. "You thought she was dead?"

"Our agents have not had a very good night... and she went missing.. we feared she might have shared the fate of one of my other agents"

The nurse swallowed.

"She was found being beaten to death by thugs, she has internal bleeding, I'm sorry, that's all I know" The nurse said.

Nell fell back in her seat as the nurse scurried off.

"First we lose Sam... Callen is in surgery, Deeks is injured and only god knows where he is looking for Kensi, Eric and Renko are off the grid – Nate is just gone" Nell cried.

"Shh Miss Jones" Hetty comforted the young girl. "They were protecting our country, they were protecting us"

"Sam died protecting us, Eric and Renko are gone, they are nowhere to be found trying to recover that flash drive, Deeks got shot and he's out there looking for his partner, heck he could even be dead." Nell shouted at the small woman. "Nate, we don't even know what happened to him after the raid, Granger and Vance are in DC saying we were successful, when we now have two agents fighting for their life, one dead, one detective possibly dead, two people looking for a flash drive, How is this success?" Nell shouted. "We have _lost _out family"

She stood up and ran out of the hospital.

* * *

_We knew the world would not be the same. Few people laughed, few people cried, most people were silent._

_I remembered the line from the Hindu scripture, the Bhagavad-Gita. Vishnu is trying to persuade the Prince that he should do his duty and to impress him takes on his multi-armed form and says,_

_**"Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." **_

_I suppose we all thought that, one way or another._

**-Robert Oppenheimer**

* * *

Deeks limped down the dark streets, one hand holding his leg that had a bullet wound tore in it one wielding a gun. He saw her run, he knew she was still alive, if only he could find her, She blamed herself, he heard her scream inside the warehouse, he would refuse to believe she was even nearly dead or dying, she was his partner. His best friend, he would know if she was dead.

He didn't know what to think until he heard a gunshot break the air from far away. His heart stopped - what if that was her?

He tried to run on his band leg but ended up falling forward, he broke his fall with his arms and screamed out in pain as his gunshot would made contact with the ground – he knew he wouldn't be able to stand up again, instead he pulled himself up against the wall and prayed to god that it wasn't Kensi.

_It's not Kensi._

He told himself.

_It's __**not**__ Kensi._

He sat there clutching his leg, it was still raining badly, the blood dripped from his leg into the puddle he sat in, turning the water crimson red. He was so scared for Kensi. She ran, he tried to call out for her – but she ran.

She ran – sure she could have stayed, she could have got herself killed like the woman who pulled her out, but she ran for her life, and he was glad she did, because if she hadn't, Sam wouldn't be the only one who was dead right now. She would be too, so would he, and Callen wouldn't have made it to the hospital – _Callen_ – was he still alive? He was beaten senseless and shot. He wondered if Kensi heard all the shots, or just the one that she bolted after hearing.

He knew that Renko was getting Eric and they were going to follow Ramo (the man that Kensi gave the flash drive to) until they found that Intel, he knew Eric would be shutting down everything Remo tried to send that Intel on, phones, laptops, mail.

He wondered if Kensi blamed herself for Sam's death, for Callens possible death, for Nates disappearance. Sure, she was the one to give up the flash drive, but not by choice, it was that to Callens life... not that giving it up affected Callens survival at all, he still only had a thread of life left.

They were always taught to never negotiate with terrorist, but this time it was different. Ramo knew about everything, nothing was private and he compromised the identities of everybody working undercover in the LA area – Including cops.

Families would be broken, the city would be vulnerable, everything would come out in the open if Ramo succeeded in his attack.

_**Wheeewooo wheeewooo**_

The sound of sirens was carried in the misty rain, suddenly the whole street lit up red and blue as an ambulance raced past him, leaving his covered in the water it splashed up as it drove past.

_Maybe that was her, maybe they were going for her._

If he kept that in mind, it could become true, he hoped somebody had found her, or he at least hoped she had found somewhere safe to spend the night.

He saw a man running for his life up the street, gun in hand, Deeks threw himself at the man, grabbing his legs and sending him down.

"Hey, ow"

The guy said as he collided with the sidewalk under him.

Deeks moaned in pain as he held the guy down, studying his scared face – he had dropped the gun now and was laying there completely vulnerable, scared and broken, he was just a kid, Deeks would say about 19. He shook with fear as Deeks held him down.

"Please don't hurt me, p...Please, I'm sorry, I sorry I fired a gun at your friends but they were beating that woman to death... I'm sorry, please let me go" The boy stammered. "I didn't shoot at them, I promise it was into the air, I just wanted them to leave her alone"

Deeks' eyes widened.

"Woman?" Deeks held the boy down "What woman?"

"I called an ambulance... I had to run before the police arrived on scene." The boy was adamant on keeping his life.

"Kensi.." Deeks muttered.

"You know her?" the boy asked.

"She's my partner, do you know where they took her?" Deeks asked him "Don't worry, I'm a cop, and so is she."

"P... palm beach medical..." The boy struggled.

Deeks let him go and moved back, groaning in pain again as he moved. He holstered his gun and pressed down harder on his bullet wound.

"Are you okay?" The kid asked him, standing up.

"I've been shot, could you by any chance get me to palm beach?"

The kid shook his head. "You're a cop... you're a cop... you saw me with this gun, you know what I did" The kid shakily picked up his gun and pointed it at Deeks.

"No... Don't do this" Deeks put his hands out, trying to reach for his own gun but having his hand kicked away from his belt. "You don't have to do this, I'm not going to tell anybody, you saved my partners life... I owe you." Deeks told the kid.

"Yeah right, like you wouldn't arrest me. They'll kill me if they find me"

"Please, I won't" Deeks begged. "I just want to see my partner.

The boy looked caught in between understanding and fright.

"I can't let you go, I have to look after my little sister, if I get arrested she'll starve" The boy looked at Deeks' "sorry" he pulled the trigger.

* * *

_God save us everyone__  
__Will we burn__  
__inside the fires of a thousand suns?__  
__For the sins of our hand__  
__Sins of our tongue__  
__Sins of our father__  
__Sins of our young_

* * *

Deeks' body jolted backwards as the kid ran way. He really was just kid, with no firearms training. But two bullet wounds . One to the shoulder and his previously existing one to the leg. He had no phone on him – Idiot – and he knew in this neighborhood, people just closed their curtains at gunshots and went on with their lives.

Luckily it was a through and through, the bullet lodged itself into the house behind him

Deeks wondered why the boy had shot him, he was going to let him run, if he helped him get to palm beach he would have just let the boy go, he had no reason to arrest the boy when he saved Kensi's life. But the boy was scared, frightened for his life, he just fired a gun into a gang, he had a target on his back, and he thought going to prison would heighten his chance of getting caught by the gang and murdered. He heard sirens of police cars and assumed they were leaving the crime scene when he assumed Kensi was beaten.

_Beaten_

Was she still alive? The ambulance had to be for her right? The boy said he called an ambulance. She was safe. She was safe.

Suddenly sirens got closer, bit this time, they didn't pass him. Police cars parked up near him and three L.A.P.D officers jumped out, walking over to him, and he knew who they were.

"Detective Deeks" One of them looked astounded.

And they knew him.

"Get an ambulance." He wheezed.

The officers called it in, one of them was on their radio and the other two were trying to stop the bleeding.

"You were at the other crime scene up there?" He asked.

"Yeah, a gang beat a woman half to death, last we heard they're trying to relieve pressure in her brain" Officer Monte said.

"She's my partner"

"She's NCIS?" one of them looked shocked. "You are with NCIS, right?"

"Yes, I'm with NCIS, yes she's a federal agent, at least I think it's her"

"An ambulance is on its way, I called Bates, he said he'[s calling somebody called Hetty to tell her we found you" The officer on the radio said.

Deeks sat uncomfortably in the ambulance; He didn't want to be put on the gurney bur the paramedics forced him to lay down.

"You're going to need surgery" One paramedic said. "You're the third call out tonight, second in this area, the other two were federal agents, so what are you?"

"L.A.P.D" Deeks responded.

"Do we need to be told about something happening, will we be finding more half dead people on the street?" The female paramedic cleaning the wound on his thigh asked him.

"Good question" He sighed. "We still have an Agent, Psychologist and Intelligence analyst missing." He groaned in pain.

"What went on here?" She asked him

"Classified, even beyond L.A.P.D standards" He told them, ending the conversation.

* * *

_It's in the blackened bones__  
__Of bridges I have burned__  
__So don't apologize__  
__I'm losing what I don't deserve__  
__What I don't deserve_

* * *

Nell sat curled in a ball out in the rain, she didn't want to go back into the hospital – her family was dying. Callen... Callen will be lucky if he survives, she doesn't even know really the details of what happened to Kensi. Renko and Eric were chasing Ramo, even though he knew what they looked liked, they could die at any minute if he spots them. They could already be dead, and to make it worse, she shouted at Hetty as if it were her fault.

And Sam. Sam died protecting Deeks, he took a bullet meant for the detective. Nells body wracked with sobs, she pushed away any Samaritans that tried to help her. She wanted to be alone, to be thrown into a black hole.

Nell felt a familiar small hand on her shoulder. She knew it was Hetty there, she came out in the rain to find the young tech analyst, Nell wiped her tears, looking up, rain hitting her face straight away making it seem as if the tears she wiped were still there.

"Nell... We lost Callen" Hetty told the girl gently.

Nell cried out again, her body going weak – they'd now lost both of the male partners in the team, two of her friends had died in the same night, one was on her way, one was missing, and two were off the grid, they could be floating in the pacific right now.

Her friends were dying, why wasn't she next? Why didn't Ramo finish off the team here before running? It's not like there is anybody to stop him now, with both Sam and Callen gone, Kensi half way there and Deeks could possibly following in Kensi's path considering he went the same way.

* * *

_When you feel you're alone,  
cut off from this cruel world  
Your instinct's telling you to run  
Listen to your heart,  
those angel voices  
__They'll sing to you, they'll be your guide back home_

* * *

Hetty had convinced the woman to come back into the warmth of the hospital, she didn't want to have to admit Nell for pneumonia whilst everybody else was in the woods.

They sat there in silence, Nell was holding her legs sitting on seat, she looked like a child wearing the NCIS jacket that was a few sizes too big.

Hetty sat in a more civilised manor, masking her emotions as it nothing was wrong, her experession only changing when a familiar voice filled the halls.

"I don't need surgery, I just want to see my partner" The voice complained.

Nell shot up at the voice, looking for the source of it, finally she saw Deeks being pushed in on a gurney.

"Oh my god" Nell raced over to the die of the gurney "You're alive, Deeks, oh my god" She cried.

"Nell... Hetty." He saw the older woman behind Nell. "Have you heard anything about Kensi? Callen?"

"We haven't heard much about Kensi" Nell told him and bit back tears before she said the next part. "Callen is gone"

Deeks looked shocked at the girl as he was wheeled off fast, the doctors taking advantage of this shocked idle state to wheel him into surgery.

* * *

_God bless us everyone,__  
__We're a broken people living under loaded gun.__  
__And it can't be outfought,__  
__It can't be outdone,__  
__It can't be outmatched,__  
__It can't be outrun.__  
__No!_

* * *

Renko could be added to the death toll now, Eric sat on the boat as he watched the display on his laptop screen – Renko decided he would try a more hands-on approach and try to lift the flash drive from Ramo. But he was caught. First they broke this fingers, and then Ramo himself snapped Renko's neck and threw his body into the ocean.

Eric almost threw up.

All of this over a flash drive.

He wondered how everybody at home was, if they were still alive. If _Nell _was still alive. He was pretty sure she was, as he had been with Renko the whole time, following Ramo, and not once had he even mentioned the team, even though he knew about them.

Eric was listening into Ramos interrogation, he was asking Renko for names, he wanted to know if he had anybody with him – and Eric was sure Renko was going to cave and tell them about him, but he didn't, he wondered if it was loyalty to the team, or if he wanted to go out brave, because even if Renko did tell him, he would still be dead right now.

He wanted to make a call to Palm Beach and ask if everybody was okay, tell them he was okay – but the thing is, he was in the middle of the ocean, and he had no idea if he was really okay. He still needed to find some type of way to fry that flash drive and destroy everything on it – but he just didn't know how.

It's like the flash drive was deadlocked, which was impossible because he's the one who put the information on the flash drive, and he knows he put in a backdoor, he just had to remember where, because if he found that back door she could walk right through it and install a virus onto the documents, sure it would mean destroying them forever, but losing this Intel would be a much better option than letting the terrorists circles in Iraq and Afghanistan get hold of it.

Now he just had to wait until Ramo plugged it in.

He'd been running every time Ramo did plug it in before now, trying to stop it, when instead of trying to prevent it, he should have been coaxing it forward, delivering the virus to whatever machine Ramo wanted to send it to, with this it gives him the opportunity to either royally screw up or take down half of Iraq and Afghanistan's groups.

All with a little virus.

Maybe now that Renko was dead, Ramo might try to upload the files again, thinking he was safe.

And Eric would let him think he was safe, letting him struggle with firewalls whilst he broke through the back door of the flash drive.

* * *

_Waiting for the end to come  
Wishing I had strength to stand  
This is not what I had planned  
It's out of my control..._

* * *

Nate backed up against the wall, or was it a tree? He couldn't tell where he was, the LSD he had been administered way more than the safe dose – then again, no dose of LSD was really safe... He was surprised he wasn't dead – maybe it was because he was stronger than most people. He couldn't control what was happening to his body, the drug coursed through his veins, he felt like he was under attack. Maybe he was under attack.

He was swatting the air of invisible demons, feeling around the ground to find something to kill the beast before him. Finally finding a sharp instrument he thrust it into the air, lashing it around crazily. Cutting and tearing whatever was attacking him.

Then he felt a sharp twinge to his abdomen, the beast was fighting back, so he fort onwards, with each stab to the air he himself was pained.

Eventually he fell backwards, his eyes rolling back into his head, his body lying motionless on the ground. But his brain was still living, albeit mentally he was incapable of thought, but he could feel the pain of each wound the beast inflicted upon him.

He himself was the beast, the LSD made him fight himself. Stab himself.

He didn't even know where he was, how the LSD was administered. Heck, he didn't even know who he was anymore, was he the psychologist who though he had power over this drug, or was he the beast that lost control and stabbed himself?

How did he get here? Where was he? Was there anybody around to call an ambulance? No.

He was alone, wherever he was.

Nobody was coming for him, nobody wanted to save him. Or maybe people were looking, or maybe they were dead like he was nearly.

Dying hurts. Laying on the floor bleeding out whilst and aggressive drug infiltrated every vein in your body, not knowing what is real and what is a fantasy.

Slowly his life slipped away, his last moments spent in excruciating pain.

* * *

_"There's a time when the operation of the machine becomes so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can't take part; you can't even passively take part, and you've got to put your bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon all the apparatus, and you've got to make it stop."_

-**Mario Savio**

* * *

The surgeon raced to try and find the source of the internal bleeding whilst the nurses worked to relieve pressure in the girls brain, working against the clock to save her life – they had just been informed the other NCIS agent died on the operating table, so there motivation to save this woman heightened, even worse they'd heard another had been brought in with two bullet wounds who was demanding to hear about the woman on their table.

They couldn't help but be curious as to how this came about – what happened in these peoples' lives to make them fall into this situation – they knew that their job had hazards, but they never knew something this drastic could happen, this woman was beaten to a pulp with what the doctors assume were baseball bats from the size and shape of her wounds, the one that passed away had been tortured, and the cop had been shot but ran with that wound only to be shot again.

They were determined to save this woman's life.

The source of the bleeding was somewhere around the spleen, they had cut her open very far now, clamping arteries, moving around her organs.

But the bleeding wouldn't stop, they were in such a rush and her vitals were dropping, blood coated the surgeons and surrounding nurses.

Finally, they found the source and clamped it, the rush of blood stopped and they started pumping out the excess blood that made soup out of her organs, normally people wouldn't be able to survive something this drastic, but through the procedure they were pumping plasma directly into her main arteries to keep her heart beating.

They celebrated to a brief moment upon finding the artery, before stitching it back to its other half and putting a medical tape around it to keep it in place. There was still so much blood in her body out of veins, and the pump was going too slow and the blood was starting to clot in the tube.

The surgeon rushed to make a sort of blood drain in the side of her body, attaching a bag to her skin.

It worked successfully and they started to put everything back where it was supposed to go. They had to use twice the amount on aesthetic they would normally use because of the internal bleeding burning it fast.

The nurse turned the aesthetic down slightly now and the surgeon started to stitch her body back together, but the sutures were too weak, resorting in him having to staple her body closed.

Kensi still lay motionless as they worked on her; they had drilled into the back of her skull now, trying to relieve the pressure and fluid in her brain to reduce the swelling.

She could be brain damaged.

Two doctors worked on her arms, legs, hands and pelvic areas, screwing her bones back into place and putting a pot cast over each limb and a cotton plus wool one around her waist and private areas. Her face had tape on and her head was shaved where they had drilled into it.

The fluid in her brain was dripping out slowly, and her vitals started to drop fast – cardiac arrest - Whilst a nurse controlled the amount of fluid lost the surgeons shouted medical terminology at each other, brining the defibrillators, charging them and pulling the cloth that was covering her breasts, sticking defibrillator pads onto her and shocking her heart into beating again.

The operation was a success, slowly with a valve in the back of her head, the swelling was going down.

* * *

_This is not the end, this is not the beginning__  
__Just a voice like a riot rocking every revision__  
__But you listen to the tone and the violent rhythm__  
__Though the words sound steady something empty's within them_

* * *

His was a simple operation, removal of the bullets and stitching him up – although they gave him extra sedative him to stop him trying to find Kensi, they needed to keep him calm, and they knew he would be everything but when he woke, and in case he did they had strapped him down – he was not stable.

The small, young red head sat beside him in ICU, the older small woman was still in the waiting room, waiting to hear about her female agent.

Nell held her head, wanting to ignore everything around her – she was glad at least one of her friends was still alive and would stay that way, but she couldn't help thinking about her own 'partner'. Where was Eric? Did he manage to stop the information, or did he get killed? And what about Renko and Nate? Had they succumbed to death like half the field team?

Nell shook her head fast and looked to the sleeping detective.

"Kensi needs to beat this, for you, for us, for herself, we can't deal with another loss – you can't deal with her loss, I can't. She's my best friend. How did this even happen? You said she escaped. You told me she got out of there, you told me she ran." Tears burned Nell's cheeks.

"I want my family back – not my family at home – my family here. You guys, I want to go back in time and tell her not to give them that information, I think we all do. I don't even know how many people we've lost" Nell wanted to hug Deeks, she wanted to feel she was safe in his brotherly arms, she wanted all the pain to go away. She wanted Sam back, she wanted Callen back. She wanted to know where Eric was, if he was alive, if Reno was alive, if Nate was alive.

They needed to get through this, but at this rate it was only her, Deeks and Hetty who she could confidently say were going to get out of this okay.

"I want everybody back, I want it to be like two days ago, to be safe." She cursed. "I want this operation to go, I want to be okay. I want everybody to be okay."

She felt bad that she had in no way been injured.

But she had – _mentally. _

Her brain was screaming. She was slowly losing her sanity, and losing her best friend, her partner. That would be the kill switch for her; she would lose the ability to function.

She laid her head on the edge of Deeks' bed and just stared into nothingness.

* * *

_Suffocate in the mess you're making,  
You can't get enough you take  
And take and take and take and take  
__Fuck it, are you listening?_

* * *

The door to the ICU opened fast and a bandage laden body was wheeled through, doctors were shouting demands at each other to hook the woman up to certain machines and IV, sticking needles into tubes providing thick honey like substances vital to the woman's recovery.

Nell lifted her head from Deeks' bed and looked to the huddle of doctors setting up a bed beside him. Nell watched in curiosity as the doctors began to clear from the bed, confident the patient was well hooked up, and that's when Nell saw who it was.

Kensi Blye.

_Her best friend. _

* * *

_And I'm not a robot. I'm not a monkey  
I will not dance even if the beats funky  
opposite of lazy, far from a punk  
__Stop talking and start trying to catch up motherfucker._

* * *

Ramo had finally plugged in the flash drive and Eric was waltzing through the backdoor undetected. He tapped away at high speed – inserting a virus onto each file he could get to, primarily on the weapons management of the soldiers fighting.

He did it.

He managed to get in and get out, he watched his screen and whooped loudly ad Ramo sent off the files to his partners in Iraq and Afghanistan – when they opened the files, not only would they burn, but so would their own weapon's system.

La was safe.

America was safe – thanks to him. He felt this strange sense of pride and accomplishment, everyone he loved was safe.

Maybe... were they dead?

He dread the thought of Nell being dead, but once again he brushed it off, knowing Ramo didn't send anybody after her specifically. He knows he got his source to send a street gang after Kensi, but Eric was sure she was strong enough to fend them off, and she was armed.

Sam was dead... Renko was dead.

Who else was gone?

Eric hijacked the captains internet connection briefly, he couldn't send an email from Ramo's connection, that would send warning bells.

But he needed to know, so he tapped a quick email that he knew Nell would get on her Phone:

'_Hey rockstar,_

_I hope you're okay... Renko is gone, he tried to lift the flash drive from Ramo... but it cost him his life. I stopped the files... kinda, I laced them with a virus. _

_-Beale'_

* * *

_I know what it takes to move on,  
I know how it feels to lie,  
All I wanna do  
Is trade this life for something new  
__Holding on to what I haven't got_

* * *

Nell looked down at her beeping phone. She got an email... from Eric.

He was okay.

He _**was **_okay.

But Renko wasn't.

Renko was gone.

She didn't really know Renko, but the few times she had met him, she could tell he was sort of like an exaggerated version of Deeks, much more open with his sexual references – especially about Kensi. – Nell shook her head slightly and looked at each of the beds she had stationed herself in the middle of and looked at Hetty who was talking to somebody on the phone.

Three people dead. Sam. Callen. Renko.

Hetty hung up the phone and walked back over to Nell with a sad look on her face.

"LAPD found Mr Getz body under Santa Monica pier 30 minutes ago. It appears he was given a high dose of LSD and proceeded to stab himself to death. Our ME had a breakdown at the scene, _I understand she and Mr Getz were in a relationship_"

Nell felt like her heart was in her throat.

Four were dead.

Sam. Callen. Renko. Nate.

"Renko is gone" She managed to choke out. "Eric put a virus in the files."

"The operation is over." Hetty took and step back.

"And our family is dead."

"Not everybody, you still have Mr Beale, Ms Blye and Mr Deeks are going to wake up" Hetty told her.

Nell broke down into tears. All of this because of a damn flash drive.

* * *

_When you've suffered enough, and your spirit is breaking  
You're growing desperate from the fight__  
__Remember you're loved, and you always will be  
__This melody will bring you right back home_

* * *

**A/N: crap that's long. **

**I would like to say, this took forever. Literally. Those of you on the Densi chatroom will know how long this took me.**

**I'd like to say, probably 99.8% of that medical information is probably wrong. I'm 16 – not a doctor. **

**I don't know. I just don't know. **

**It's pretty dark. And I would like to remind you, the lyrics throughout are from 15 different songs. **

**I really recommend you listen to Linkin Park - A Thousand Suns: The Full Experience, it really gives you a feel for this fic, and it's completely worth the 47 minutes. **

**So, it would mean so much to me if you would review. Just to make me confident I haven't wasted my time xD **

**If you guys want an Epilogue, please tell me in the reviews ;)**

**-LJ x**_  
_


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